Blessed are Those Who Mourn

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).

Mount of Beatitudes, Israel

After Mike died I remember being confused about how I was feeling. I felt trust in God and I guess you could say acceptance or understanding. Yet at the same time I still felt such heavy sadness and loss and utterly alone. I remember how much I questioned these feelings thinking it was unnatural to feel both. I pictured it as a clash of my human emotions with my spiritual and it was frustrating to me. I remember I sometimes felt like I was watching someone else grieve and could look at the situation more removed and think rationally about things. I wasn't sure how this could be possible besides the Holy Spirit working through me. For a while I actually was worried that I was in shock or maybe even denial...I was waiting for things to change for the worse, but they didn't. Or rather they did change, but only in more positive ways, my relationship with God continued to flourish!
 

This is something I still think about. I still have times where I mourn; both for Mike and my sister. And I'll be honest, it bugs me. I've fallen into the belief along with the rest of the secular society that I should "be over it",  and that there's a time-date on grieving, and that because I'm a Christian I shouldn't be sad. The more I truly grow to know Christ I know it's okay for me to still feel sad and mourn, but what's different I guess is how I deal with and handle these emotions and feelings.

So how do I deal? I pray. I journal. I attend daily mass. I talk to God...all the time! I read about the Saints and look to them for inspiration. I cry. I also try to remind myself of all of the gifts God has blessed me with, including the life I have to live.