Holidays vs. Days

For some people who are grieving a loss, holidays and anniversaries are "more difficult" (if that is even possible) to bear as opposed to regular days. This is often the hot topic in grief books; how to prepare for holidays. Not sure if I'm just one of those 1 out of 1,000,000,000 that doesn't jive with the group, but holidays are not so profound for me. Actually let me correct myself, yes holidays are difficult without Mike or Cathy (my husband and eldest sister), but so are the other days of the year. It isn't just on Christmas, their birthdays, Easter, etc. that I mourn their loss, it is every day. It's every day I wish I could pick up the phone and call Cathy and just talk to her about something that is going on.  It's every day I wish Mike was there to hug or talk to about our days, laugh about silly things. And sometimes it's in those little moments that I find it the most painful. But I have to live with the reality that that isn't my reality anymore, every day and on the holidays. I view the holidays as secondary and live each day with hope.

But since I brought up the holidays, the hardest part for me (even 3+ years into this) is just going to stuff, social gatherings. Around the holidays there are more parties and events to go to. It is hard being 1/2 the identity you were. You used to be a couple and now you are a single and not just a single but a single -1. And I can't help but think sometimes people look at me differently. So I'm working on learning to cope and live with this new identity, figure out how I fit in or where I belong. Others have done it before me and so each day I'm doing it too. It's my choice to remain a -1 and I feel confident in that decision, but it's tough sometimes.

What I have noticed, (even early on in my grief) during those darkest times, when I felt utterly alone; God was always with me...I was never truly alone. And through the years this revelation has grown and helped me through many  more tough times. Through Christ, I feel like I am slowly becoming more complete and whole again.

The Saint of the Day today is Lazarus.Guess I shouldn't be so surprised why Jesus gets it and is so comforting and healing to all of our needs, for even he wept.

"And Jesus wept. So the Jews said, 'See how he loved him.' " (John 11:35-36)

Jesus loves all of us and wants to heal us all from all of our afflictions rather if they are due to grief, illness, sin...there is hope, through Christ Jesus. How do you want Jesus to heal you today?