Last week I was blessed with the opportunity to hang-out with the coolest littlest campers for 3 days. I volunteered with Hospice of the Western Reserve's Bereavement Camp for kids ages 5-14. I'm asked all sorts of things when people learn about this opportunity...Why Hospice? Oooh, that must be really difficult (insert confused-scrunchy face), is it? Is it a Christian Camp?
To answer all of those questions...
I became familiar with Hospice first-hand through my husband's diagnosis with brain cancer. After treatment was no longer an option, he began Hospice care. We opted for in-home hospice so he could die at home (no more hospitals we promised). He was on hospice for about 6 weeks during the summer months until he died on August 26, 2009. Almost 4 1/2 years after being diagnosed. Taking care of him through his death was one of the gifts I will always cherish. When I reread my journals now that chronicle that time and what was transpiring, and even afterwards preparing for the wake, funeral, I myself am sometimes taken back at the harsh reality of it all. But can find glimmers of hope sprinkled throughout my writing. Moments where Mike talked (he was nonverbal near the end of his life) or gave me a kiss or where we just laid together in the silence of the morning not knowing how much time we had left together in this world.
After a few years passed I wanted to give back and volunteer with hospice and help others who were dying or caring for their loved one who was dying. I went through the training to become a volunteer. A pretty intensive 3 day training I must say. This was grooling for me. This training uprooted many memories of Mike's death. I remember sitting in the room with complete strangers hearing the instructor describe end-of-life scenarios and flashbacks would go through my mind of the months, weeks, days I lived as I watched Mike, my husband die before my eyes. I would come home exhausted, emotional and well let's just say a mess. But still go back the next day, still interested in becoming a volunteer.
Volunteering in this capacity gives me new life, new hope. To quote Henri J. M. Nouwen,
“In our own woundedness, we can become sources of life for others.” (Wounded Healer)
For me this source of life is to be able to share with others who are experiencing loss and putting my grief to work so to speak. Camp takes it all up a notch. As a teacher of 13 years (beginning my 14th this August) I can say that children bring me joy. I think they can see the twinkle in my eye and know we are going to have fun. So volunteering at a camp for bereaved kids was such a special opportunity for me. So that is why Hospice.
Question #2...No it isn't difficult, it humbles me and as I told a friend yesterday makes me realize what a wimp I am. A week before camp we meet as a team to meet the other facilitators and our group leaders, find out what age group we will be working with and read the kids' bios. This is what does it to me. Reading what grief and loss these little kids are dealing with experiencing already at such a young age. As the week of camp goes on we get to know other campers and learn their stories more thoroughly and though the kids are happy, laughing and really cool kids...their stories just break my heart. They inspire me. I sometimes get to meet their family members. Sometimes fellow widows and I almost want to reach out to them, like we belong to some strange club. Guess we do kind of. But these kids inspire me. Truly they do. Though the camp is not based on a religious denomination (this will roll into question number 3 soon) the kids do have hope that their loved ones are happy and possibly in heaven. They hope to see them again. But they also do cry and break down, get angry. Just like adults. They feel the loss too. They need to talk and not pretend it didn't happen.
Question #3...There is no religious affiliation with the camp, we meet the kids where they are. If they want to talk about their faith practices and how that has been helpful through the loss we can discuss this or listen but we are not to impose our beliefs. I'm asked sometimes about the camp and if it is Christian. What I have learned (not just at this camp but in my day-to-day life) is to just be me no matter where I am. So even though I'm at camp I still wear my Miraculous Medal, Crucifix and I still pray before meals (yes breakfast and lunch too) and I'm not forcing anyone else to do as I do but if anyone is so inclined they may join me. I can still be a witness without saying a word. I saw proof of this Thursday during lunch. There is one little girl in our group who I do know is a practicing Christian because she had talked through the week about her family going to church and praying. She happen to be sitting next to me during lunch one day. So I began to pray and before I knew it she was signing herself and praying with me. So even though it is not a Christian camp, just like life, we can spread the light of Christ wherever we go.
The last thing I will share is some things the kids want people (adults in particular) to know about grief and their feelings. Here is what my group of 7-8 year olds wrote:
1. I miss my brother.
2. Sometimes I can't talk.
3. I'm not mean.
4. I don't want to talk.
5. I'm not a bully.
6. When I have a nightmare check under my bed!
7. Don't I have the right to have fun?
Pretty insightful and we can learn from this! I can say I have thought all of those things too...okay maybe not number 6...I don't want you to check under my bed I want you to check my closet. :)
(Want to read more?? Camp - Take 1)
If you know someone who is grieving a loss or are in need of resources here are some sites:
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