Brain Cancer

The MGBF was one of the sponsors at an event today held at The Gathering Place. It was a Brain Tumor/Brain Cancer Symposium. Doctors, social workers and nurses attended and presented. Patients, caregivers listened attentively during the sessions and then there were supporting organizations. In 2008, Mike and I attended as the patient and caregiver. Today I found myself in a different role, the widow and spokesperson, along with my sister-in-law, for our nonprofit. It was a wonderful opportunity for so many reasons. Of course the obvious from a marketing standpoint to get our name out there, network and hopefully reach more patients and families that may need support. It was also a great opportunity to sit in the sessions and learn, brush up on my brain tumor lingo, retype some brain tumor vocab I have not visited in years. But the greatest gift about today was meeting, talking to and just sitting among the patients. I love hearing their stories. To hug them. I love the look of pride that shines across their face when they talk about their doctors. If they could whip a photo of their doctors out of their wallet,  I think they would. (I know Mike and I would have).  And then I found myself a couple times just sitting in awe at the miracles they all are. Just thinking of this disease and what a monster it can be, the scars are there to show their battle wounds, but they are walking miracles and I felt so blessed to sit in their presence.

It brought me back to a memory of Mike...

After Mike was diagnosed our whole bedtime routine changed. We began going to bed together, to be together (extra moments of time together meant the world to me, to us)  and we began to pray together. One of my prayer duties was to bless us with holy water and then we had healing oil and a healing prayer (request your own healing oil http://www.straphaeloil.com/ ). Each night as we prayed I would rub the oil on his head, on his incision and near where I guess I envisioned the tumor or cancer cells were hiding out. Often I would sink into a type of mental imaginative prayer (if there is such a thing). I imagined the oil seeping into his skull, into his brain and melting the cancer cells just as we prayed or that God would place his hand on mine and just by his touch Mike would be healed. Sometimes I would find myself just mesmerized by his scars. He had one scar on his forehead from his Gamma Knife treatment (not the actual treatment but the screw that that held the headgear in place) and it looked like a star. I thought it was cute, Mike didn't...guess a 30 year old guy wouldn't want a star scar on his forehead. But just like I felt today, I remember being so amazed that he was alive. What a gift. What a miracle. And what an honor that I could be by his side, praying with him and rubbing this oil on his head. Sometimes I would actually get so lost in this thought to the point where Mike would get irritated with me rubbing his head and tell me to stop, that the prayer was over. That was our dynamic, still makes me laugh. :)

Today brought me back to that memory. It made me happy to be lost in that moment again; to feel the smiles, laughter and awe. Then to leave the memory feeling blessed to have had that opportunity. It's a weird mix of feelings, thoughts and faith to try to explain, something I hold close to my heart, but a good place to be.

Lord, watch over those who are affected by cancer. Give them strength to battle the disease, and bless them with caregivers who are attentive and kind. Heal them and keep them safe in Your loving embrace.
 Amen.

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