Hope Note

 

While I was at school today cleaning my new classroom, tucked on the very bottom shelf, falling between the cracks was this paper barely sticking out. I almost threw it away without even giving it a 2nd glace, but when I read it thought it was pretty amazing... felt like God left me a note!

Fall in Love

Fall in Love

Attributed to Father Pedro Arrupe  (1907–1991)

Nothing is more practical than
finding God, than
falling in Love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read,
whom you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in Love,
stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

Ad Usam

For my Eucharist class we read an excerpt from the book; Our One Great Act of Fidelity. (I just ordered the book it to read in it's entirety so I'll keep you posted on how it is, but based on this excerpt we read, it just has to be amazing)! Anyways, the author shared a story about when he was a novice and his novice-master tried to teach the ideal of religious poverty. He had them write two Latin words, Ad Usam, inside every book. Ad Usam translates "for use".  The idea behind this was that the books were given to you for use but you should know that you truly never owned the book.

Of course the point of this story wasn't about learning a couple Latin words or about books, there was a religious connection. The author explains,

"...everything comes to us as a gift, so that nothing can ever be owned as ours by right. Life is a gift, breath is a gift, our body is a gift, food is a gift, any love given us is a gift, friendship is a gift, our talents....We get to have them, ad usam, but we should never nurse the illusion that we own them, that they are ours, that we can claim them by right." (Rolcheiser 101).

Wow! Talk about surrendering control and letting go. Made me reflect about what things maybe I am holding on to a bit too tightly? Or what things I need to remind myself ad usam they are mine...but they are gifts and for that I should be thankful.

Date with God!

I had a lot of thoughts and intentions going through my mind today during mass and ended my prayers with, "thy will be done" and left it all in God's hands. Upon the blessing we were dismissed. It's funny, or I should say God has such an amazing way of working. Because for the past month I had been thinking about going to Adoration, I bought a couple prayer books about adoration, talked about it with fellow parishioners and my spiritual director, but never signed up. God had it taken care of though. After mass a parishioner approached me and asked if I could sub for her at the Adoration Chapel! I got the message loud and clear and am excited...I've got a date with God on Saturday night!

Too Soon?

Someone mentioned to me that "it was probably too soon"  that I attended the bereavement group at my church. (I attended almost a month after Mike died). Within moments I could feel myself begin to question if it was too soon. But then I stopped those thoughts. I know in my heart it wasn't. It was where I needed to be and where God wanted me to be. Maybe it would have been too soon for somebody else, but everybody's grief journey is different. Maybe it wasn't easy seeing me cry and express how I was feeling during that time. Maybe it was more painful for others to watch and hear how I was feeling, maybe too soon for them.

Going to that group, once a week on Monday nights though was one of the only things I looked forward to at that time of my life. It got me out of the house and to church. I don't second guess that I went that soon. It wasn't too soon. I needed God in my life and to be surrounded by people of faith. I needed to know it was going to be "okay" and that I was going to be "okay" and learn how to work through my grief in healthy ways.

I'm beginning to see a change in myself now. I guess in my emotional growth since Mike's death. I now welcome questions/statements like this more readily because then I can evaluate myself, choices, behaviors and either be assured and more confident in them or learn and grow from past mistakes. I'm glad I was asked this. It helped me look back at my journey that started almost 3 years ago.

What Would He Think?

With all of these changes going on I sometimes have people ask, "What would Mike think?". The other day I realized this really bothered me...or I guess my answer bothered me. What I began to process is though I respected Mike's opinion when he was alive, what he "thinks" now is entirely different than what he and I both would have thought years ago about what the plans were for our future; my life, his life...our lives together. So it isn't such a fair question for me to answer but I understand why people ask, they are curious, maybe they don't understand or know what else to say.

What I have to learn is how to respond and be okay with my response. It's really not a relative question I guess is what I'm trying to say. I can't live my life worrying if Mike would approve of every little thing I do, that's not healthy.  I have to live accepting he's dead and live my life not thinking in terms of "what would Mike think" but rather what would God think? Am I living in Imago Dei (in the image and likeness of God)? Am I spreading the gospel and light of Christ? Do I feel fulfilled or is there something more God is calling me to do? Then I can take a step back and wonder, not what does Mike think, but rather how did Mike and all of the Saints live holy lives and how can I call upon their intercessions to help guide my journey.

Body of Christ

I served as an extraordinary minister today. What an experience! Holding the body of Christ and serving my parish in that way was such a gift. I was so fortunate too because I was able to share my experience with a fellow parishioner afterwards and sit by her during mass. (Typically I sit by myself).

Saint Isidore of Seville

Saint Isidore of Seville is the patron Saint of Computers and the Internet. His feast day is April 4th. Want to learn more? http://www.catholic.org/saints/isidore.php

Prayer To Saint Isidore Of Seville

Almighty and eternal God,
who has created us in Thy image
and bade us to seek after all that is good, true and beautiful,
especially in the divine person
of Thy only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ,
grant we beseech Thee that,
through the example of Saint Isidore, bishop and doctor,
during our journeys through the Internet
we will direct our hands and eyes
only to that which is pleasing to Thee
and treat with charity and patience
all those souls whom we encounter.
Through Christ our Lord,

Amen.

Apple Here I Come

I ventured to my new school today where I will be teaching K-8 computers in the fall...embarking on a change. Tough after 7 years. But I'm very excited for the new opportunities that are developing and know that all that has happened in the past, and the people I have met have helped me get to this point in my life. I'm so grateful.

One of the biggest, technical changes is the switch from PCs to Apples. It's been 7 years since I taught in a school that had an Apple lab. Apple computers and I are are going to become GOOD friends (again). The best part of each day will be looking up and seeing the crucifix that is hanging on the wall. I wonder if there is a Saint for computers/technology...I think I am going to have to call on my divine friends to intercede for me a bit while I get reacclimated with Apple. Apple be nice please.

Lab/Classroom

Berakhah

So why berakhah? In hebrew, berakhah means blessing, it is a special type of prayer. Jews say many Berakhot through the day speaking to God. This kind of blessing is not like "ye 'ole Irish blessing" where you wish blessings upon someone else or ask someone else to bless you. Rather, the Hebrew word "barukh" is an adjective describing God as the source of all blessings. When Jews recite a berakhah, they are not blessing God but instead expressing how blessed God is. As a Catholic I learned we incorporate adaptations of the Jewish berakhah during the Liturgy of the Eucharist. During the liturgy we praise God for creation and for givng us the gifts of bread and wine to offer.

That's what I hope to do while blogging away...share berakhahs and give praise to how God is working in my life.

Hope and a Future

Well I started this blog because I've been journaling for over 25 years and thought I'd give blogging a shot. I hope to write about the  experiences I will encounter as a  candidate in the formation process of the lay pastoral ministry program with the diocese of Cleveland and as a Catholic School teacher.

I am still learning how to live and embrace this "new life" that I am living since my husband's death in 2009. Being a widow doesn't necessarily define me, but it has changed me, especially my relationship with God.

One of my favorite scripture quotes is from Jeremiah 29:11; For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I am excited to share this "hope and future" of my life as it unfolds!