"God wishes us not to rest upon anything but His infinite Goodness. Do not let us expect anything but from Him, and let us put our trust and confidence in Him alone."
~St Charles Borromeo

Smallest Details

I have been reading St. Faustina's Diary for some time after learning about it from some sisters who actually teach the Divine Mercy. I usually read it in small sections because it is deeply spiritual and there are so many prayerful thoughts and words. More often then not I read it when I'm in chapel. Tonight while at chapel I was reading and words began to jump out at me and brought me back to something that just had happened yesterday...

"Jesus likes to intervene in the smallest details of our life, and He often fulfills secret wishes of mine that I sometimes hide from Him, although I know that from Him nothing can be hidden."  (Diary of St. Faustina Book 1 #360)

Yesterday after school I stopped by chapel. (This is nothing new, my daily visits have been happening for some time now...longing for more than 1 visit some days but with other responsibilities I'm not always able to). When I stopped in I actually *planned* on only staying for just a bit. I just wanted to visit with Jesus and head home. I wasn't feeling well and just wanted to go home and go to bed. However, when I entered the chapel a woman asked if I was the sub-adorer for the 5 o'clock hour. I told her I wasn't but I could stay. There was one other woman there after she left. In my heart I had a longing to be alone with Jesus. I secretly (or so I thought secretly) hoped I could be alone with him in the chapel. I was feeling empty, worn, tired, head was pounding. Jesus knew this and blessed me with this secret wish of mine. The woman left and I was alone with him. I could talk to him personally and tell him aloud how I was feeling, fears, doubts, how I have been trying to pray and struggling. How much I love him and want to do his will no matter what that is or even though I might not understand. 

Just think...how much our God must love us to pay attention to the smallest details of our lives not because he has to, because he wants to.

A Prayer of Saint Augustine

EVER ANCIENT, EVER NEW

Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved you! You were within me, but I was outside, and it was there that I searched for you. In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created. You were with me, but I was not with you. Created things kept me from you; yet if they had not been in you they would have not been at all. You called, you shouted, and you broke through my deafness. You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness. You breathed your fragrance on me; I drew in breath and now I pant for you. I have tasted you, now I hunger and thirst for more. You touched me, and I burned for your peace.

from The Confessions of Saint Augustine

Pray

Yep, this is about me right now. All I have left in me. I pray. Try to and just "pray" that God knows what is in my heart. Sometimes I'm not even able to say the words aloud that I want to say or keep up in mass because I begin to cry, or get choked up. I try and I want to and pray that God knows this and the intentions of my heart. 

In Memory

Michael Gregory Belz
May 11, 1978 - August 26, 2009

An Old Irish Blessing

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

St. Bartholomew, Apostle Pray for Us

On 8/22/13 I wrote in my journal..."who do I have to cling to but God." and what does God tell me today during the Collect during mass...Strengthen in us, O Lord, the faith, by which the blessed Apostle Bartholomew clung wholeheartedly to your Son, and grant that through the help of his prayers your Church may become for all the nations the sacrament of salvation. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. 

St. Bartholomew is the patron saint of a whole bunch of things, but one thing in particular caught my eye...neurological diseases. Really? Really God are you speaking to me like this? I pray for St. Bartholomew's intercession. I pray that your will be done and that I may accept your will with grace. I pray that I may cling only to you Lord and no other. Today, tomorrow and all the days of my life. For this and all things I pray in your name. Amen.

Prayer to Saint Bartholomew the Apostle

O Glorious Saint Bartholomew, Jesus called you a person without guile and you saw in this word a sign that he was the Son of God and King of Israel. Obtain for us the grace to be ever guileless and innocent as doves. At the same time, help us to have your gift of faith to see the Divine hand in the events of daily life. May we discern the signs of the times that lead to Jesus on earth and will eventually unite us to him forever in heaven. Amen.

I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say

Here I Am Lord

(Responsorial Psalm from today)

Here I am, Lord; I come to do your will.

Blessed the man who makes the LORD his trust; who turns not to idolatry or to those who stray after falsehood.
Here I am, Lord; I come to do your will.

Sacrifice or oblation you wished not, but ears open to obedience you gave me. Burnt offerings or sin-offerings you sought not; then said I, “Behold I come.”
Here I am, Lord; I come to do your will.

“In the written scroll it is prescribed for me. To do your will, O my God, is my delight, and your law is within my heart!”
Here I am, Lord; I come to do your will.

I announced your justice in the vast assembly; I did not restrain my lips, as you, O LORD, know.
Here I am, Lord; I come to do your will.

My Evening Prayer

Well God I don't know...but you do. I trust in you. Amen

~Mary Terese

“Here ends another day, during which I have had eyes, ears, hands and the great world around me. Tomorrow begins another day. Why am I allowed two?” --G.K. Chesterton

My Morning Prayer

Lord, I pray you never leave me and these blessings never stop. But if they do that is consolation of greater love from you. For even in the darkness the light remains. Amen

~Mary Terese

When I'm Alone

The Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Holy mother Mary, we all rejoice with you today on the feast of your glorious Assumption into heaven. It is a great comfort to us to realize that your precious body, the tabernacle of the infant Christ, is now in heaven with him. Your being taken into heaven is also, like the resurrection of Christ's body, a pledge to us of the resurrection of our own bodies. It is wonderful to think that these hands, with which we now earn our bread, will one day,with our bodies, be glorified forever in heaven. Help us to realize this as we go about our work from day to day. Help us to have great respect for these bodies of ours, and for those of others because we recognize in them the temple of the Holy Spirit, and because we look forward to seeing each other, body and soul,with you and your Son Jesus Christ forever in heaven. Amen.

- Anonymous
www.livingwithchrist.us

Giving Until It Hurts

Three times this has happened over the month where I have been wondering about if I can afford this or that or if I can afford a donation and/or how much. Then I pray and remember the ideal of "giving until it hurts" and before I know it God has already provided. Two times I actually received the exact amount I just wrote checks for! And yesterday another surprise, an answer to a prayer. Thank you God for providing for me. I know this won't always happen, but am just thankful for; the times it does, being able to be aware to recognize moments like this and even embrace the "poverty" moments and live those moments with joy.

So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil. (Matthew 6:31-34)

St. Maximilian Mary Kolbe Pray for Us!

Immaculata, Queen of heaven and earth, 

refuge of sinners and our most loving mother, 

please make of me, of all my powers of soul and body, 

of my whole life, death and eternity, 

whatever most pleases you.

If it pleases you, 

use all that I am and have without reserve, 

Let me be a fit instrument 

in your immaculate and merciful hands 

for introducing and increasing your glory 

in all the many strayed and indifferent souls, 

and thus help extend as far as possible 

the blessed kingdom of the most Sacred Heart of Jesus.

~St. Maximilian Mary Kolbe

St. Jane Frances de Chantal Pray for Us!

Prayer: Act of Abandonment to Divine Providence

0 sovereign goodness of the sovereign Providence of my God! I abandon myself forever to Thy arms. Whether gentle or severe, lead me henceforth whither Thou wilt; I will not regard the way through which Thou wilt have me pass, but keep my eyes fixed upon Thee, my God, who guidest me. My soul finds no rest without the arms and the bosom of this heavenly Providence, my true Mother, my strength and my rampart

Therefore I resolve with Thy divine assistance, 0 my Savior, to follow Thy desires and Thy ordinances, without regarding or examining why Thou dost this rather than that; but I will blindly follow Thee according to Thy divine will, without seeking my own inclinations.

Hence I am determined to leave all to Thee, taking no part therein save by keeping myself in peace in Thy arms, desiring nothing except as Thou incitest me to desire, to will, to wish. I offer Thee this desire, 0 my God, beseeching Thee to bless it; I undertake all it includes, relying on Thy goodness, liberality, and mercy, with entire confidence in Thee, distrust of myself, and knowledge of my infinite misery and infirmity.Therefore I resolve with Thy divine assistance, 0 my Savior, to follow Thy desires and Thy ordinances, without regarding or examining why Thou dost this rather than that; but I will blindly follow Thee according to Thy divine will, without seeking my own inclinations.

Amen!

I pray you,most gentle Jesus, by your precious blood, deliver me from all evils, past,present and to come. Give me a lively faith, a firm hope and perfect charity, so that I may love you with all my heart and all my soul and all my strength. Make me firm and steadfast in good works and grant me perseverance in your service so that I may be able to please you always. Amen.

- St. Clare of Assisi

www.livingwithchrist.us.

Camp - Take 2

Last week I was blessed with the opportunity to hang-out with the coolest littlest campers for 3 days. I volunteered with Hospice of the Western Reserve's Bereavement Camp for kids ages 5-14. I'm asked all sorts of things when people learn about this opportunity...Why Hospice? Oooh, that must be really difficult (insert confused-scrunchy face), is it? Is it a Christian Camp?

To answer all of those questions...

I became familiar with Hospice first-hand through my husband's diagnosis with brain cancer. After treatment was no longer an option, he began Hospice care. We opted for in-home hospice so he could die at home (no more hospitals we promised). He was on hospice for about 6 weeks during the summer months until he died on August 26, 2009. Almost 4 1/2 years after being diagnosed. Taking care of him through his death was one of the gifts I will always cherish. When I reread my journals now that chronicle that time and what was transpiring, and even afterwards preparing for the wake, funeral, I myself am sometimes taken back at the harsh reality of it all. But can find glimmers of hope sprinkled throughout my writing. Moments where Mike talked (he was nonverbal near the end of his life) or gave me a kiss or where we just laid together in the silence of the morning not knowing how much time we had left together in this world.

After a few years passed I wanted to give back and volunteer with hospice and help others who were dying or caring for their loved one who was dying. I went through the training to become a volunteer. A pretty intensive 3 day training I must say. This was grooling for me. This training uprooted many memories of Mike's death. I remember sitting in the room with complete strangers hearing the instructor describe end-of-life scenarios and flashbacks would go through my mind of the months, weeks, days I lived as I watched Mike, my husband die before my eyes. I would come home exhausted, emotional and well let's just say a mess. But still go back the next day, still interested in becoming a volunteer.

Volunteering in this capacity gives me new life, new hope. To quote Henri J. M. Nouwen,

“In our own woundedness, we can become sources of life for others.”  (Wounded Healer)

For me this source of life is to be able to share with others who are experiencing loss and putting my grief to work so to speak. Camp takes it all up a notch. As a teacher of 13 years (beginning my 14th this August) I can say that children bring me joy. I think they can see the twinkle in my eye and know we are going to have fun. So volunteering at a camp for bereaved kids was such a special opportunity for me. So that is why Hospice. 

Question #2...No it isn't difficult, it humbles me and as I told a friend yesterday makes me realize what a wimp I am. A week before camp we meet as a team to meet the other facilitators and our group leaders, find out what age group we will be working with and read the kids' bios. This is what does it to me. Reading what grief and loss these little kids are dealing with experiencing already at such a young age. As the week of camp goes on we get to know other campers and learn their stories more thoroughly and though the kids are happy, laughing and really cool kids...their stories just break my heart. They inspire me. I sometimes get to meet their family members. Sometimes fellow widows and I almost want to reach out to them, like we belong to some strange club. Guess we do kind of. But these kids inspire me. Truly they do. Though the camp is not based on a religious denomination (this will roll into question number 3 soon) the kids do have hope that their loved ones are happy and possibly in heaven. They hope to see them again. But they also do cry and break down, get angry. Just like adults. They feel the loss too. They need to talk and not pretend it didn't happen.

Question #3...There is no religious affiliation with the camp, we meet the kids where they are. If they want to talk about their faith practices and how that has been helpful through the loss we can discuss this or listen but we are not to impose our beliefs. I'm asked sometimes about the camp and if it is Christian. What I have learned (not just at this camp but in my day-to-day life) is to just be me no matter where I am. So even though I'm at camp I still wear my Miraculous Medal, Crucifix and I still pray before meals (yes breakfast and lunch too) and I'm not forcing anyone else to do as I do but if anyone is so inclined they may join me. I can still be a witness without saying a word. I saw proof of this Thursday during lunch. There is one little girl in our group who I do know is a practicing Christian because she had talked through the week about her family going to church and praying. She happen to be sitting next to me during lunch one day. So I began to pray and before I knew it she was signing herself and praying with me. So even though it is not a Christian camp, just like life, we can spread the light of Christ wherever we go.

The last thing I will share is some things the kids want people (adults in particular) to know about grief and their feelings. Here is what my group of 7-8 year olds wrote:

1. I miss my brother.

2. Sometimes I can't talk.

3. I'm not mean.

4. I don't want to talk.

5. I'm not a bully.

6. When I have a nightmare check under my bed!

7. Don't I have the right to have fun?

Pretty insightful and we can learn from this! I can say I have thought all of those things too...okay maybe not number 6...I don't want you to check under my bed I want you to check my closet. :)

(Want to read more?? Camp - Take 1)

If you know someone who is grieving a loss or are in need of resources here are some sites:

http://www.hospicewr.org/grief-loss/children-grief-resources

http://www.griefshare.org/

http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/

http://www.cornerstoneofhope.org/

http://www.centering.org/index.php?page=content&id=37

Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

“I am coming to the living faith and conviction that—from God’s point of view . . . the whole of my life, down to every detail, has been mapped out in God’s divine providence and makes complete and perfect sense in God’s all-seeing eyes.”
~Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

No Thank You

At camp today I heard something cool in the lunch line (besides the fact they call their juice "bug juice" ). The cook prepares quite a healthy meal for the kids and even some dishes are homemade! You can tell she puts her heart into the meals she prepares. When kids (and adults) go through the line she serves out the food herself and asks if we would like this, or that, or this. If anyone says no to anything, she doesn't banter with them she simply says, "I'm going to give you a 'no thank you' portion in-case you change your mind." Usually this translates into a smaller portion. Sometimes the kids will try it if they see their friends are eating it, or they will poke and prod at it, or wait until it is the last thing on their plate and then try it...a couple times it has ended up in the trash.

After I got home tonight and I was reflecting on the day I was thinking, about the "no thank you portions ". This made me think about our relationship with God. Sometimes in life he asks us to do/accept things and we can be quick to say 'no thank you'...not for me, I don't like that, etc. And without imposing his will on us, we are left to choose. Often we find those 'no thank yous', stirring up something within and we begin to think maybe we would like it, maybe it is for me...and so we try! And there the adventure begins anew. 

"We can only learn to know ourselves and do what we can - namely, surrender our will and fulfill God's will in us." ~Saint Teresa of Avila

The Transfiguration of the Lord

Jesus, from all eternity 

you were pleased to give yourself to us in love.
And you planted within us a deep spiritual desire
that can only be satisfied by yourself.
We are made to love you;
you created us as your lovers.
Knowledge of you kindles such a fire in our souls
that we have no energy left for worldly desires.
My Jesus, how good it is to love you.
Let us be like your disciples on Mount Tabor,
seeing nothing else but you.

~St. John Marie Vianney, the Curé of Ars

www.livingwithchrist.us

All In

Miracles

"A miracle is an event which exists to provoke and strengthen faith. If you recognize the presence and workings of God then you see the miraculous all around you." 

 ~Fr. Tim Sauer, Archdiocese of Seattle

I <3 U

I love You,O my God, and my only desire is to love You until the last breath of my life. I love You,O my infinitely lovable God, and I would rather die loving You, than live without loving You. I love You,Lord and the only grace I ask is to love You eternally. My God,if my tongue cannot say in every moment that I love You, I want my heart to repeat it to You as often as I draw breath.

- St. John Marie Vianney,the Curé of Ars

Lord I Am Here

Whenever I go to the chapel,I put myself in the presence of our good Lord,and I say to him, “Lord,I am here. Tell me what you would have me to do.” If he gives me some task,I am content and I thank him. If he gives me nothing, I still thank him since I do not deserve to receive anything more than that. –St. Catherine Labouré

—from The Miraculous Medal

St. Alphonsus Liguori Pray for Us!

O God, help me to remember that time is short,eternity is long. 
What good is all the greatness of this world at the hour of death? 
To love you, my God, and save my soul is the one thing necessary. 
Without you,there is no peace,no joy. 
My God,I need fear nothing but sin. 
For to lose you,my God,is to lose all. 
O God,help me to remember that to gain all I must leave all, 
that in loving you I have all good things: 
the infinite riches of Christ and his Church, 
the motherly protection of Mary, 
peace beyond understanding, joy unspeakable! 
Amen.
- St. Alphonsus Liguori

www.livingwithchrist.us