Toothpaste On My Face

Ever get in such a routine that you begin to do things automatically and until you have time to sit and think you start to wonder..."Did I...?" That's been happening since I've begun my new job and have been adjusting to my schedule. Until I get settled I find myself struggling to get up at the 1st alarm. The 2nd alarm usually does it. I am able to usually pray my morning prayers before I leave for mass. I like my drives to mass. It's dark. It's quiet. Gives me time to think, talk to God...pray! Sometimes though as I pull in the parking lot or walk into church those questions start popping in my head the most common lately has been, "Do I have toothpaste on my face?"  (Okay secret is out I'm a horribly messy teeth-brusher. Mike used to be appalled at my tactics.)!

 

Toothpaste on my face (or not...hasn't truly happened yet) I will continue to go to mass. I have a friend who I meet there. It means so much to have a friend of faith, to celebrate mass and the Eucharist with even though we sit in silence (except to say good morning and then give the sign of peace). Sometimes it's just that silent presence that means so much. We often share our reflections afterwards and I reflect on our conversations and friendship through the day. We work together, that's another blessing I'm so thankful for!

"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship."
~St. Thomas Aquinas

Morning Prayer

Almighty God, thank you for the job of this day.
May we find gladness in all its toil and difficulty,

its pleasure and success,

and even in its failure and sorrow.

We would look always away from ourselves,

and behold the glory and the need of the world

that we may have the will and the strength to bring

the gift of gladness to others;

that with them we stand to bear

the burden and heat of the day

and offer you the praise of work well done.
Amen.

- Charles Lewis Slattery

https://www.livingwithchrist.us/

Back-to-School Prayer for Parents

I know a lot of parents who can use some prayers as their kids are venturing to school for the first time, or beginning a new school year at a new school, God Bless them! Here's a prayer for any parents that may need a little extra help as they kiss their kids goodbye in the carpool lane, or as they watch them get on the bus, or even a goodbye on the college campus!

Dear Lord,
As my children leave for school,
I pray that you will keep them in your care.
Send your Spirit to open their minds
to all that is true and beautiful and good.
Help them to see the gifts and talents
you have given them and to use them well.
Help them to grow in knowledge and wisdom.
Help them to be kind to others
and lead others to be kind to them.
Give their teachers patience and understanding
and help them teach what is just and true.
Send your angels to guide and guard my children
and to keep them from all harm.
Open their young hearts to your presence
and enfold them in your peace and protection.
Hold them in the palm of your hand
and bring them home safely at day’s end.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

ConcordPastor.blogspot.com

St. Augustine Pray For Us!

Here is my heart, O God,
Here it is with all its secrets.
Look into my thoughts, O my hope,
and take away all my wrong feelings.
Let my eyes be ever on you
and release my feet from the snare.
I ask you to live with me,
To reign in me,
To make this heart of mine a holy temple,
A fit dwelling for your divine majesty.
Amen.

- St. Augustine of Hippo



St. Augustine's Prayer to the Holy Spirit

Breathe in me, O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy.
Act in me, O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy.
Draw my heart, O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy.
Strengthen me, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy.
Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy.
Amen.





In Memory of Mike

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face;

May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

May 11, 1978 - August 26, 2009

We Gather

8/26/12 will mark the 3rd Anniversary of Mike's death. As a family we traditionally gather on this day to celebrate Mike's life. We gather much like we did as we gathered while he was dying here at home. We gather to laugh, cry, eat and of course talk about Mike, his life and share stories; together.

I've been reading through some of my old journals and found this entry I wrote the day after Mike's funeral;

8/30/09

"Yesterday was Mike's funeral. The day was just as planned and I think true to Mike. It was raining early in the morning but then the sun came out. There were so many people there. At both the wake and funeral. Mike touched so many lives. Like Father  O'Connor said, 'It isn't how long you live your life, it is how you live your life that matters.' Mike definitely lived his life, even after diagnosis! So many people said to me. 'At least he isn't suffering.' and I kept thinking but Mike wasn't. You know he lived. We lived. that's what we always promised that we would do as long as we could. I know these past 6 weeks were difficult and not truly "living" up to Mike's caliber, but he was living and making the best of it. The photo boards demonstrated how much he lived and celebrated life over the 4 1/2 years and then some."

The rest of the entry was about me and how I was feeling and adjusting. I chose to share this excerpt though because I felt it was reflective of what we do when we gather as a family on his death anniversary and birthday; we continue to celebrate life. Ironically, it is also relatively close to the mission of the Michael G. Belz Foundation! Looking forward to gathering tomorrow.

Grant Me

Grant me, O Lord my God,
 a mind to know you,
 a heart to seek you,
 wisdom to find you,
 conduct pleasing to you,
 faithful perseverance in waiting for you,
 and a hope of finally embracing you.
Amen.

- St. Thomas Aquinas

Blessed are Those Who Mourn

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).

Mount of Beatitudes, Israel

After Mike died I remember being confused about how I was feeling. I felt trust in God and I guess you could say acceptance or understanding. Yet at the same time I still felt such heavy sadness and loss and utterly alone. I remember how much I questioned these feelings thinking it was unnatural to feel both. I pictured it as a clash of my human emotions with my spiritual and it was frustrating to me. I remember I sometimes felt like I was watching someone else grieve and could look at the situation more removed and think rationally about things. I wasn't sure how this could be possible besides the Holy Spirit working through me. For a while I actually was worried that I was in shock or maybe even denial...I was waiting for things to change for the worse, but they didn't. Or rather they did change, but only in more positive ways, my relationship with God continued to flourish!
 

This is something I still think about. I still have times where I mourn; both for Mike and my sister. And I'll be honest, it bugs me. I've fallen into the belief along with the rest of the secular society that I should "be over it",  and that there's a time-date on grieving, and that because I'm a Christian I shouldn't be sad. The more I truly grow to know Christ I know it's okay for me to still feel sad and mourn, but what's different I guess is how I deal with and handle these emotions and feelings.

So how do I deal? I pray. I journal. I attend daily mass. I talk to God...all the time! I read about the Saints and look to them for inspiration. I cry. I also try to remind myself of all of the gifts God has blessed me with, including the life I have to live.

School Days

Got so much accomplished at school this week (and then some)! Here are some photos I've taken.



Tomorrow will be the students' first day. We will have a ribbon cutting ceremony in the morning. (I will post more photos later in the day). I feel so blessed to be a part of this faculty and school.

 

Back to School Prayer

Saint John Baptist de la Salle Teachers Prayer

I want to teach my students how

To live this life on earth

To face its struggles and its strife

And to improve their worth

Not just the lesson in a book

Or how the rivers flow

But how to choose the proper path

Wherever they may go

To understand eternal truth And know

The right from wrong

And gather all the beauty of a Flower

And a song for if

I help the world to grow In wisdom

And in grace

Then I shall feel that I have won

And I have filled my place

And so I ask Your guidance, God

That I may do my part

For character and confidence

And happiness of Heart.

Amen

Golf and Hope

We had an amazing outing today for the foundation! People are so generous and giving and I'm just so touched and grateful.  Here is a copy of the speech I gave during dinner...granted I modified it a bit when I gave it "live", but in general this is the message I was "hoping" to covey.

Good Afternoon and thank you for attending our 3^rd Annual Michael G. Belz Foundation Golf Outing!

My name is Mary Belz, I’m a Board Member of the foundation and Michael was my husband. On behalf of the MGBF board and our families I would like to sincerely thank all of you for supporting our foundation and joining us today by attending this event. In 2010 we had 86 golfers, 2011 124 and this year 144! It’s just incredible to see the growth and support over the years, and not just with the outings but in all areas. Thank you!

One of the themes we’ve launched this year, you may have noticed is “got H.O.P.E.?” And what I’d like to do is just explain a bit about that. The word H.O.P.E. is actually derived from our mission and each letter of the acronym H.O.P.E. represents and element of our mission. We’ll try a little quiz here.

H is for…. Helping to live and celebrate life after diagnosis
O is for…  Offering emotional support
P is for…  Providing resources
And finally, E is for… Education that promotes a global awareness of research and treatments

We came up with H.O.P.E. upon reflecting back on Mike’s journey and how sometimes it was all we had to hold on to and keep going, to offer each other. After Mike died we wanted to extend that to other patients and families undergoing similar circumstances after a brain tumor/brain cancer diagnosis.

I once read this story about grief after Mike died that I wanted to share. But I think it can be interpreted in relation to hope, so that’s how I’m going to retell it. If someone is without hope, they may look outside on  a dark, cloudy day, when the clouds are covering the sun and think, “the sun isn’t shining” or “the sun isn’t out today” and think “ugh, what an ugly day”. But on the same day, in the same town, at the same time, somebody might be flying in an airplane. And as the plane climbs up and through the layers of the dark clouds, all of a sudden when they reach an elevation of 28 or 38,000 feet the sun appears. If you flown before you know this feeling, it pours in through the window, some people gasp at the beauty. I remember when I was little (and okay I still do it now) but I would take photos trying to capture just a glimpse of that moment. So you have the people in the plane admiring the beauty meanwhile the people below still believe the sun isn’t shining, but it is, they just can’t see it. Something has come between the people and the sun. I believe this is what hopelessness is like. We all know the clouds will pass, and the sun will shine again down below, but helping each other through such times is so important.

So the theme Got H.O.P.E.? is to not only bring awareness but is truly a question to be asked and pondered. And there’s a follow-up to it, if you have hope, give hope and that’s what we are all doing here today! Either if you golfed, volunteered, came for dinner, brought a friend…there’s so many ways. What you choose to do after today is up to you, but it can make a difference to somebody. You can continue to spread hope to others just by wearing the gray ribbon or wrist band or talking about the event… coming back next year, bringing a friend.

What I’d like to leave you with is a quote from Daniel Berrigan,  

"The gift we can offer others is so simple a thing as hope."

On behalf of the MGBF Board, our families thank you for coming out today and supporting us and to our volunteers.

Conversation with God

As I'm reading Beginning Contemplative Prayer I read a chapter about Brother Lawrence, a 16th century Carmelite monk. Brother Lawrence apparently discovered he had difficulty meditating for extended periods of time and during those times found his mind becoming focused on stray thoughts. (sounds familiar) Brother Lawrence found himself thinking thoughts about his day, what he wanted to do, etc. and felt a disconnect from prayer.  His resolution was to turn his whole day into a conversation with God!

The author encourages the reader to try Brother Lawrence's approach because if we do not allow time to converse with God our minds will be filled with trivial things.

 "Worry gets us nowhere, planning gets us somewhere. Complaining and criticizing spread angry clouds that hide hope and kill joy. Conversing with Love, however, opens us to the future with radiant hope, and our work gets done easily and restfully." (Beginning Contemplative Prayer 38)

What do you want tell God today? I have lots to say!

The Assumption of Mary

Prayer for the Assumption of Mary

Father in heaven,
all creation rightly gives you praise,
for all life and all holiness come from you.
In the plan of your wisdom
she who bore the Christ in her womb
was raised body and soul in glory to be with him in heaven.
May we follow her example in reflecting your holiness
and join in her hymn of endless love and praise.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Feast of St. Maximillian Kolbe

“Courage, my sons. Don’t you see that we are leaving on a mission? They pay our fare in the bargain. What a piece of good luck! The thing to do now is to pray well in order to win as many souls as possible. Let us, then, tell the Blessed Virgin that we are content, and that she can do with us anything she wishes”
(Maximilian Mary Kolbe, when first arrested).

Prayer Life Need a Boost?

Does your prayer life need a boost? I know my personal prayer life does. I recently have been exploring contemplative prayer. I have found probably two of the most challenging things for me when beginning/exploring this type of prayer have been:

1. Not falling asleep during this time
2. Being able to quiet my mind, listen and be open

But I'm going to be persistent and keep trying and learning! I've started reading a book; Beginning Contemplative Prayer, what better place to start than at the beginning. I'm learning a noisy and busy mind isn't unheard of, the author refers to it as "murmuring of the mind"...boy is my mind murmuring. If only I could shut-it up, tape it closed if that gives you a good visual. What I've learned is if I'm not taking enough time in my life to relax during my day-to-day routine, and instead am just going, going, going from one thing to the next, that's how my brain is going to function during prayer. It makes sense why I would have difficulty focusing, centering on prayer if that's the only time I'm allowing myself to  "rest". Which brings me to another thought, Sunday, our Sabbath, the Lord's Day. If I truly appreciate the Sabbath for what it is then I need to evaluate my observance of this day and ask myself, am I truly keeping this day holy and resting with the Lord? I can look at how my Orthodox Jewish friends observe their Sabbath. They truly rest. They refrain from work, spend time in fellowship with God, family and friends and rest in the Lord. I think if I make changes like this on the Lord's Day and even throughout the week my mind will be more open to various types of prayer, like contemplative prayer.

Recently Pope Benedict spoke about the Power of Prayer. He referred to the teachings of Sts. Alphonsus Liguori and Dominic.

"We are so poor that we have nothing; but if we pray we are no longer poor"

~St. Alphonsus Liguori  (II, 4)

"Arm yourself with prayer rather than a sword; wear humility rather than fine clothes."

~St. Dominic

Good luck on your prayer journey!



The Magnificat

Met a friend yesterday for breakfast and we were talking about my life and what an amazing journey; how good God has been. She suggested I pray the Magnificat. When I got home I remembered I had a photo of the Magnificat from my pilgrimage to Israel.

The Magnificat
My soul magnifies the Lord

And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior;

Because he has regarded the lowliness of his handmaid;

For behold, henceforth all generations shall call me blessed;

Because he who is mighty has done great things for me,

and holy is his name;

And his mercy is from generation to generation

on those who fear him.

He has shown might with his arm,

He has scattered the proud in the conceit of their heart.

He has put down the mighty from their thrones,

and has exalted the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with good things,

and the rich he has sent away empty.

He has given help to Israel, his servant, mindful of his mercy

Even as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his posterity forever.

St. Clare of Assisi, Pray for Us!

Feast of St. Clare of Assisi ~ Saturday August 11, 2012

I pray you, most gentle Jesus,

by your precious blood,

deliver me from all evils,

past, present and to come.

Give me a lively faith,

 a firm hope and perfect charity,

so that I may love you

with all my heart and all my soul and all my strength.

Make me firm and steadfast in good works

and grant me perseverance in your service

so that I may be able to please you always.

Amen.



- St. Clare of Assisi

Camp

To someone driving by it would have looked like a typical camp with kids, swimming, cheering, ice cream, etc. and it was, but there was one difference, the camp was specifically for bereaved kids. Kids ranging in ages 5-14 who lost a loved one; moms, dads, uncles, aunts, "papas"...the list goes on an on. For three days I had the privilege of volunteering at this camp and learning much from these kids.

Bowls of Hope

We did different type of activities to permit the kids the forum to express their feelings in healthy ways and in a safe place where people were not going to say "stop crying" or "it's going to be okay" or all those things that are meant to be well intended comments, but to someone who is grieving, doesn't necessarily help. Sometimes you just need to let the tears fall and feel the hurt or to have somebody really listen and not try to fix the unfixable.

Tshirts...unique, just like us & our grief!



Anger Collage (after)

Anger Collage (before)

The last day was the most emotional for all and I was surprised how all the kids embraced the solemnity of the ceremony. The kids were each given a flower and rice paper and could write a message in honor of the deceased on the rice paper. "I love you", "I miss you"...those were common notes written excentuated by hearts. The messages were tied to the flowers. While writing the notes one little girl looked at me and asked me where my flower was. This kind of took me by surprise, because I was certain to not make this camp a therapy session for me and bring my death experiences into it, unless I was asked directly, which I hadn't been until this point. But the timing of her question just threw me. It was a heavy moment, heavy day. Maybe it was the rain, or the impending thought that this was our "last day" together or just the overall exhaustion that comes with grief work. But we were all feeling it, in our own unique ways.

As the drum began to sound we all lined up with our flowers. The drummer  stood in the front and lead us as we walked in procession to the river to the beat of the drum. We walked in silence. I couldn't help but look at the group of kids I had been working with the past couple of days...seven & eight year olds, how young.  I imagined them with this same stoic stance in the funeral procession they walked months, or years ago for their loved one with their untied shoelaces and runny noses and wondered how they did it. I felt foolish for how many times I felt "sorry" for myself and my losses after hearing their stories of death. I have a mom and dad. I have a brother and sister and did know my older sister for 30 years before she died. My nieces and nephews got to know their uncle and will remember him. But these kids won't all necessarily be able to say all of these things or have all of these opportunites, memories. I felt such a deep sadness for them while at the same time a new appreciation for life, my life, the gifts God has blessed me with, including the time and memories I have had with those who have died and will treasure always.

Our walk ended when we reached the river bank. We all stood around the river and it began to pour. Some people noticed, others didn't care, so intent on fulfilling the mission of honoring their loved one. One by one the kids were called up and as their loved one's name was announced they tossed their flower into the river. Two of the kids in my group broke down afterwards. They were holding on to me, I asked if they wanted to be held, and they nodded. I embraced them and didn't tell them it was going to be okay, but instead told them to go ahead and cry. We just kind of huddled there, one big mass hugging in the rain.

Flower Ceremony

We walked back to camp and gathered for lunch. Camp ended on a cheerful note...kids are amazing! After lunch each group worked together to plan and then perform different skits with a grief theme. Again, I was touched by the creativity and ways the kids were able to express their feelings and their willingness to share.  Before we left to go home it was time for ice cream and cotton candy!!

What I feel like I will remember the most from this experience is how much these kids inspire me in my own grief journey and life journey. Talking to the kids in my own group naturally stirred up some thoughts of my sister and husband's death. Cathy and Mike would have been around the age of some of their parents or uncles/aunts when they died and some of the circumstances surrounding their deaths were similar so hearing it from a kid's perspective was interesting to me and made me think of my own nieces and nephews and even the "what-ifs" if Mike and I had had children. Watching the kids at camp and their resilience though, their ability to talk and cope and even help each other was touching.  I felt extremely comfortable working with bereaved kids, and this further solidified my desire to continue to explore this area of ministry.

As I wrote when I began this blog; I'm not sure where this journey is headed, but each day I find myself learning and growing so much; in all facets...about myself, the world and about my faith too. I feel so thankful and blessed for these opportunities.

St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein) Feast Day

 "I have no other desire than that God's will be done in me and through me."
~St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

Sacred Heart of Jesus



Photo taken at JRH

O most holy heart of Jesus, fountain of every blessing, I adore you, I love you, and with lively sorrow for my sins I offer you this poor heart of mine. Make me humble, patient, pure and wholly obedient to your will. Grant, Good Jesus, that I may live in you and for you. Protect me in the midst of danger. Comfort me in my afflictions. Give me health of body, assistance in my temporal needs, your blessing on all that I do, and the grace of a holy death. Amen.





Sacred Heart of Jesus Shrine at JRH

I thought this was such a need image to capture. It made me think that the flowers were "standing" in praise to honor and worship Jesus in all their simplicity with all that they have to offer, all that they are.



Faith-Filled Weekend

What an awesome, amazing weekend! It all started with a retreat for the Pastoral Ministry Office at the Jesuit Retreat House. The theme of the retreat was "Trust and Surrender". Before going home I headed to the Adoration Chapel to spend time with God. Today I went to Chardon to attend a Celebration of Religious Profession (1st vows) for the Sisters of Notre Dame. MGBF hosted a volunteer event and we got ALL of our stuff done thanks to all of the volunteers who came to help. The weekend ended with The Fest! I met up with two friends and saw many more there! God is good!

Rethinking Alms

Every year during the Lenten season we are reminded to pray, fast and give alms. During this past Fortnight for Freedom we were called to do so as well. Everyday can provide such opportunities though...not just reserved for specific times of the year.

It's helpful to know exactly what we are doing when we "give alms". I always thought I knew what that meant, doing something good or nice for somebody else out of charity (i.e. love of God). I thought donating my time or money to a nonprofit, or giving of my time by volunteering was suffice and well I guess that counts, I learned more about almsdeeds last night that'll help me rethink and stretch myself in this act.

Alms are referred to as "works of mercy" and there are actually corporal and spiritual works of mercy. (Seven of each)! The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches;

2447 The works of mercy are charitable actions by which we come to the aid of our neighbor in his spiritual and bodily necessities.²⁴² Instructing, advising, consoling, comforting are spiritual works of mercy, as are forgiving and bearing wrongs patiently. The corporal works of mercy consist especially in feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and imprisoned, and burying the dead.²⁴³ Among all these, giving alms to the poor is one of the chief witnesses to fraternal charity: it is also a work of justice pleasing to God:²⁴⁴ (1460, 1038, 1969, 1004)

For it is in giving that we receive.
-Francis of Assisi

Empty Seats

Ever sit in church an look at all the empty seats and think "if only they were filled". I typically sit in the same spot and I often think I should move closer to the altar or sit nearer to someone else, in essence, filling in the gaps.

Tonight I attended my first class for the Ministry of Consolation  and one of the attendees, a Sister, mentioned something so beautiful that she was once told about those "empty seats". A priest once said at a funeral that those seats aren't truly empty for when we gather, we gather in communion with the angels and the saints. So in our presence, are the angels and the saints filling in the "empty seats" praying with us. Never know who you might have sitting next to you in church!

St. Ignatius of Loyola, priest and founder, pray for us!